After two years of lousy/horrible weather, we finally got a good half marathon in Green Bay today. Wind was the word of the day in 2011, and last year of course was the black flag heat disaster. Today it was exactly as it should be. What makes it such a great race are the ordinary people that sit in their driveways, on street corners, with their boomboxes and even gas grills. And we were back inside Lambeau Field for the last lap, which was not available last year due to construction. I only saw two injuries, and no Penske trucks carting people off the course like last year. Many happy faces, and the grumpy ones were just from normal fatigue. My time was 3:11:36, much better than the 3:28 I did in 2011.
Nice copy, as us writers would say, but it is far from the whole story. Three weeks ago, I did a 3:25 half marathon in Wautoma, Wisconsin, my worst half since Tomahawk in 2011. True, "spring" didn't begin until two days before that race, royally screwing up half the training schedules in the state, going from like 35 to 70 degrees just like that. I had only done a 9.5 mile indoor/outdoor combination just the Monday before. But I had stayed in fairly decent shape over the winter with snowshoeing and Zumba, so it was more getting used to be back on nice ice-free pavement. Also work was extremely hectic that week. But it wasn't my physical condition that was the problem.
Just as the weather was making a turn for the better earlier that week, a personal situation took a turn for the worst. The details are still very painful, and frankly are not important (watching reruns of Jersey Shore might give you some insight!) But I had spent the last two days in tears, and I'm no crybaby. I just couldn't get myself motivated to make the 75 minute drive, but I did it. I slogged up to the packet pickup, and I got all teary again when I saw two very good running buddies familiar with the situation. They knew immediately something was wrong before I told them, and they could've have been more supportive, even after I told them not to wait for me. Still, I wasn't right. It doesn't help that this particular race is in the country, very nice and quiet. A little too quiet. Sure I had Mr. Sinatra, but some songs weren't going down too smooth. There were two ladies 40 minutes in back of me, and a couple just out of sight (normally I would've beaten them) so I had no one to push me. So I was basically alone with my thoughts, a bad idea at that moment in time. Mostly I walked it, with little intervals of running. Still my emotional state must've made me look terrible. Usually people tell me I've got it, but that day they were telling me to hang in there, and trying to hand me Gu. A very nice marathoner came up and started talking, and told me my lesser mileage wasn't a problem. He asked if it was my first half, I said no, it's my 20th, I was just having a bad day (I spared him the drama.) I assured him I'd make it. I slogged on, and finally I made it to the corner of the fairgrounds, where my friends stood waiting anyway. And there was the marathoner telling me to finish strong like I said I would, and I did. I apologized to my friends for making them wait an hour, and one said, do you know what Ohana means, and I said, it means family in Hawaiian. He said we're family and no one is left behind (I almost cried again.) They even waited to eat. That meant an awful lot.
Still, the terrible time left me shaken, and wondering if I should just give it running permanently (I had toyed with it twice before, but I was serious this time.) The thrill was gone, there was no joy left. Then I started thinking I was doing certain things for the wrong reasons, trying to impress certain people, and prove things I shouldn't have to prove. I started thinking of what made ME happy. I went back to my roots, and just picked a random race that a lady in Zumba class recommended. I won a camping set, and had a nice time there. Then I chose to drop from a half marathon in Eagle River that I was doing with a friend, and just do the 5K. Due to weather and logistics, it turned out to be a good decision (even one of the best runners in the area that usually does the marathon only did the shorty!) Again, I had nothing to prove, so I did what felt right for me. My 5K times at least went back to almost normal. I was afraid the "situation" would flare up again last night, and my dad said, forget it and do what you have to do. It turned out to be great advice. My family is just proud of anything I do, but are afraid I overdo it. So again, my running is generally up to me. I kept that in mind this morning, and put some different music on the iPod. Nothing traumatic happened, and I was doing pretty well. Sure I had a few slower miles, but that was more due to my Grave's disease causing heat issues. My friends showed up again on the course, which made me feel good. Today my thoughts were, don't try to keep up with the Joneses, just do what's right for you, and consider that you are 43 and have some health issues. You're not Superwoman, I told myself as a man in a Superman costume passed me.
As I passed through the stadium I felt the joy that had been missing, and crossed the finish line strongly, even though I missed a PR. But the biggest victory of the day was deciding to do things on my own terms, and finally getting my groove back.
